Okay so my holidays are over, and I’m officially into my second term of college. I failed my Hindi exam. Didn’t ace anything and surprisingly my parents are happy with that haha and so am I!
But honestly, it wasn’t the marks I was worried about when I got back. It was the thought of going back. I simply didn’t want to step foot in St. Dominic’s Road. The morning of my first day back my dad asked me why I wasn’t so enthusiastic today. I said there was nothing to be enthusiastic about. He said I was right.
I had to walk into that place anyway and the whole time I felt like I was surrounded by some warm, humid, suffocating blanket of self-produced contempt. I couldn’t make it through the whole day, so I bunked the last lesson and walked home.
At that point my life in Mumbai had added up to a few months, but I felt strange and new to the place again. I decided that I would never get used to it. Never get used to the people. Or the place. I wanted to run. Anywhere. Just run and run and run and not stay in one place which would remind me that ‘You’re here now and you have to face this all’.
But I couldn’t run. My legs just continued with the same slow gait. I couldn’t run because I didn’t know where I wanted to go eventually. Whether I wanted to run all the way to the station, or to my house, or to the park or the sea. So I just walked back home and sat at the window, feeling Plath like.
To quote The God Of Small Things, ‘things can change in a day’. Mine took a couple, but it happened nevertheless. Change is part of nature. Infact, change IS nature and whether you need a book or a movie or a song or person to make you realize this, you have to begin to accept the fact.
(I know, I know. I sound like one of those cliche self help books)
Nowadays, going to college is not painful anymore. Its a moderately pleasing thought. I want to interact with people much more, listen to what they have to say and contribute in a conversation. Its not easy, given that some people just don’t respond to my apparent ‘accent’ and dont know what Ivy League stands for. But I cant blame them. Harvard, Columbia and Yale are just enormous pillars of social elitism anyway. and I do tend to replace ‘about’ with ‘aboot’.
SO here’s me telling you I was a contemptuous bitch.
And here’s me telling you that I’m getting nicer.
Today’s my debate audition. Jack the Ripper analogies all the way!